FIND MYSELF FOR ME

 
 

my dear mom, i just feel so insecure,

a deep mysterious fear just grabs me,
i am crying cats and dogs without a cure,
i need you to just hug me.
 
something significant pulls me into,
i just don’t understand the reason at all,
continual fear of losing someone to
the grip of time, but she has beforehand crawled.
 
since many nights, i have been shedding tears,
counting on her fragments of love,
i am falling apart, there is an unknown fear,
just hug me m mother, with umpteen love.
 
i cannot share these in words with you,
but, my heavy heart will say it all,
find no reason of blaming myself too,
yet dripping tears listen to heart’s broken call.
 
i often wonder mom, does she ever think of me
or am i just a nobody for her now?
that old fear of losing her smothers me,
please let me sleep in your lap now.
 Image
i may have brought you shame,
but, i never thought it would turn so bad,
you know mom, we were going so great,
now, when i think of her, i wonder where was my bad.
 
you said there are fairies in stories,
where in life are they?
if there were one, i would send my queries,
to chant a spell, to bring a change.
 
mom, i just want to hide under your chunri,
where nobody can see my tears,
mom, please make me sleep by a lullaby,
i am afraid of my own fears.
 
i just don’t want to grow up, mom,
i just want to be your little child,
i think, if she had never left me, mom,
i think, i would have never cried.
 
emotions never see age or gender,
it is just the outburst of memories,
my mom, i feel, like a baby, so tender,
please, mom, just hum me a lullaby.
 
remember, whenever i don’t find anything,
you find it for me,
mom, i have lost myself altogether over that pixie,
please, mom, find myself for me.
 
MEANING:
chunri: A scarf or wrap worn with most Indian girls’ and boys’ outfits. It can be worn in countless ways
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