IMMORTAL PRIDE

 

when self doubt starts crawling,
just under your confidence,
you never saw the castles crashing,
just untimely, scratches your conscience.
castle that your art has defined, since ages,
with crowns of feathers touching zenith,
beautifying your territory, more than expected,
fenced by roses of orange garden of bliss.
windows shining by the glorious sunlight,
and talking stories of my glory to the sun,
prophecy sparkles my eyes brightly by the sight
of my revolutionary impact to my world.
all at once, a brick broke to granules,
a brick over which stood my grandeur castle,
melted to repose into the ground of manuals,
the whole castle fell down, as the wind whistled.
with the whistling wind by my ears, i saw,
the castle’s flag still waving like a warrior,
sans blood, flesh, yet a true patriot,
defining its never all lost, till the pride is there.
with all that pride is what leftover for me,
i nurture the confidence, rather than giving up,
with open mind and rolling pen, i start to be
that i was once, then rolling ahead for supremacy.
when pride is your friend and level-headed, your kin,
when struggle of yesterday smokes deep within,
you can rise like phoenix, when all is gone, that you made,
its your immortal pride that pushes you ahead, my friend.

 

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I SMILE HIDING TEARS OF GOOBYE

THEME: memories hurt… when they don’t fade… and separations seem bitter with passing time….. 

 

out of conscience, our sights collide,

as i dived deep into her mystic eyes,
there was something special and i felt it,
the smile was there but the mystery was a bit.
never knew her before and may never meet her again,
i swear, if lies had wings, they would fly without saying,
just was her rectitude in smile and unsaid emotions in eyes,
i still remember your beauty, ephemeral like the red wine,
not tiring my eyes, a portrait Almighty never painted enough,
not a shade on the page, yet His imagination’s power is you.
 
the walk to Hazi Ali is deep seated like the arteries,
precious yet the purest forms, i found so secured,
every-time you looked behind in search of me,
your images etched deep in my chest that is beating,
i wish that i could have made it till the end there,
or at least would have never left your hand,
 just walked you there, the priced moment in my life,
as the salt waters entered my mouth, 
i looked at you, to find your eyes gazing at mine,
was the most beautiful moment and will ever be.
 
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i don’t know, will you even try to find me anymore
or have i just become a lost soul in your collage of memoirs?
moments have passed and so have days since then,
but, the estrangement has given me a painful time to hem,
as i walk through this beach with transient footsteps,
with fresh memories, i walk ahead alone, but not lonely,
those beautiful moments are with me and will ever be,
i have tried my best to find you, may be
it is what i should accept, yet i smile hiding tears
of detachment that spurt from within,
as my dad says, smile even when it hurts it’s a test.

FIND MYSELF FOR ME

my dear mom, i just feel so insecure,

a deep mysterious fear just grabs me,

i am crying cats and dogs without a cure,

i need you to just hug me.

 

something significant pulls me into,

i just don’t understand the reason at all,

continual fear of losing someone to

the grip of time, but she has beforehand crawled.

 

since many nights, i have been shedding tears,

counting on her fragments of love,

i am falling apart, there is an unknown fear,

just hug me m mother, with umpteen love.

 

i cannot share these in words with you,

but, my heavy heart will say it all,

find no reason of blaming myself too,

yet dripping tears listen to heart’s broken call.

 

i often wonder mom, does she ever think of me

or am i just a nobody for her now?

that old fear of losing her smothers me,

please let me sleep in your lap now.

 

i may have brought you shame,

but, i never thought it would turn so bad,

you know mom, we were going so great,

now, when i think of her, i wonder where was my bad.

 

you said there are fairies in stories,

where in life are they?

if there were one, i would send my queries,

to chant a spell, to bring a change.

 

mom, i just want to hide under your chunri,

where nobody can see my tears,

mom, please make me sleep by a lullaby,

i am afraid of my own fears.

 

i just don’t want to grow up,

mom,i just want to be your little child,

i think, if she had never left me, mom,

i think, i would have never cried.

 

emotions never see age or gender,

it is just the outburst of memories,

my mom, i feel, like a baby, so tender,

please, mom, just hum me a lullaby.

 

remember, whenever i don’t find anything,

you find it for me,

mom, i have lost myself altogether over that pixie,

please, mom, find myself for me.

 

MEANING:chunri: A scarf or wrap worn with most Indian girls’ and boys’ outfits. It can be worn in countless ways

biplab roy (bipstar.ja)

via FIND MYSELF FOR ME.

UNDER THE SPOTLIGHT, BEYOND THE LIFE.

it is just the perfect time of the life

resplendence is more than the spot light.
tremendous sparkles glittering, glasses clinking
with the ameliorating red wine, fruition spring in.
vibes of satisfaction kissing the core
sobriquet smile cloaking elation galore. 
 
eyesight all cheerful, such dubious are those smiles
to trust is easy with miles to walk, but return broken, miles
is tougher to ponder. queries creep inside, behind those smiles
are there cheerful hearts of accolades or assailant’s cries?
convene with hand shakes and hugs, tight to smother
but, enjoying each moment, of love and ultimate flatter
fit into shoes of apathy, wipe off the old yellow-books , scatter
the pages of year-book, a new life with status altogether.
addiction with no rehabilitation of life, to appraisal 
creamy words, to wax up with pride, no reversal
criticism whiz past the ears less, friends seem foes with hazel
hair. conscience’s eerie censures us of betrayal, faces denial. 
 
even life quietly sails under nocturnal dungeons of edification
so, how will the spot lights not turn off, identity risked at deletion?
vales that used to be the summit of the glorious flag
remains a summit, but new flag holder bragging the flag.
facade starts to fade quicker than the phonies turn their back
treachery of troop burns more, trusted ones take a step aback.
 
old best relations are no less than victims of ostracism
prostrated on the floor, with prominent sign of recidivism
all that doomed spotlight left was darkest darkness to blossom
coupled with insecurity secured in the walls echoing so gruesome.
these scars don’t heal till the cold air kisses the skin
till the vertigo is felt again, it is a mark embarking us to win
pushing a little bit more, bending more an inch
drudgery to strive for, the bragging flag to just clinch.
life instilled  over the mountains, as the scars heal to breeze
with the saxophone proclaiming the win, the drumbeats
beat louder, with waving flag soaring, the stab unleashed
under the spotlight, cheers galore, but none to  share emotions deep.
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Biplab Roy

 

TILL THE CRESCENT GROWS UP.

 
interminable waves of emotion gushes in,
when my eyes wink in your memories,
less i aspire to move ahead in
the space of time without a memory.
 
the sun is about to slumber in the pale sky,
night is about to lend its blanket,
with the exuberant stars, instilling shine and life
to the folks, joy in immense packets.
 
but, somewhere an awaiting soul seeks,
the rudiments after the carnage,
it has been four months since then, blinks
yet remind me of our sentiments.
 
it is undeniable, you fancied to start a-new,
 without looking back, erasing the truth,
the perpetual promises just kiss the dust now,
as you don’t wish to even eye at me too.
 
well, my allies advise me to get a kick-start now,
to reincarnate my life, i wish it was easy,
friends, you plod with panache and glory,
i bedeck my life with relic memories.
 
days have changes with echoing nights,
terrifying my soul, i wish to throw the light,
on your face today to let it shine,
to see you smile and capture each time.
 
i just want to confide few mysteries,
you were the closest that anyone ever could be,
you were the best in me through my eyes,
i see you walking away, request you to stay.
 
admittance of guilt has come through now,
don’t know what stops you to love me now,
we were in the ninth cloud, when you
shoved me down, i am just astounded.
 
queries fetch dry and painful replies, 
may be, you will fail to know my immortal
and unheard love for you,
even if you do, will it even matter to you?
 
astrophysicist, right? no more mine,
is all that you uttered with the stringent lines,
just fetch me smack to bid adieu to life,
and breathe in vows of empty lies.
 
you could have stayed with me then,
when i snapped out, you could have,
held my hand and said, “Jonty calm down,”
you did not have to cut me off, right?
 
well, i think chances are made to be gives,
and faults are made to be corrected,
one more chance to love you, my girl,
till the crescent grows up, be my heart to just beat too.
 
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